girl, ruined

I once knew you
as a girl who let her innocence run wild,
let her ignorance fuel her passions.
I once knew you as a girl who knew me.
But I am now drowning in a tub of tears.
I've never needed to defend my love for her to you.
To you, of all people. Our best friend.
I have love in my heart for the girl I once knew.
But now all I have is hate in my head.

I sit here in this snow-laced city
with lost love in my heart, with hate in my head,
and all I do is cling to what I knew.
If honesty was ever in our relationship,
I am standing here telling you,
we're gone.
There is a revolution calling us and we are going to lead it.
The fuse that you would like to extinguish,
is within us. And you helped create it.
But this, I did not write for you.
I wrote this for the girl I once knew.

I lay here hurting.
And as my tears dissolve like milk in my tea,
I can only think of you as the girl you are now.
And all I can do is tattoo your name all over my hands.
All I can do is remind myself that the girl you are now is the girl you've always been.
For the girl I cling for that I once knew,
that girl is me.

All For You, Christine (hehe!)

I don't think I can take this anymore.
I am lying here on the floor and there you are, with her.
I just want to break down, I want to break down and I want you to pick me up.
I want you to pick me up and carry me away far from all of this.
Why won't you come back to me? What did I do?
WHAT DID I DO?
Please come back. I am lying here on the floor feeling nothing.
You used to want to fix me. Now all you do is run away.
And it doesn't help that you have a bike that makes you run away even faster.
Please stop running from me. Please stop using your biking as an excuse.
Please. Come back to me.
I am the only one who knows you and I need you to know me again.
Please come back.
Forever yours.

19

I feel so empty now.
I wish you weren't so strong. Sometimes I wish you would just breakdown.
So I could pick up the pieces without having to tiptoe around them.
I hope you can call me back one day.
I wish you would before I turn 19.

This is my final letter to August.

You gave me all that I could ask for and more. But this is my final goodbye and I don't want to ask for much. Please don't forget me. I feel so lost but I don't want to carry you through such a tragic journey. Go forth and live a life of love and memories. I don't want to keep you in this cage any longer. You have been my greatest love.

Goodbye, August. I will forever love you.

It's easy as 1, 2, 3
Tell a lie, Skip the truth, Make up a past
Until you get to the letters
Because
A- Is when the lies catch up with you
B- And you have to figure out how to tell your loved one that you've lied about your entire past for your entire relationship
C- Then you have to face them afterwords

In the end, it's not as easy as 1, 2, 3
It's a fucking bitch of a do, re, mi

I am a liar.
Born from a liars' club.
But I swear, I will not tell a lie.

I don't feel cut out for this.
My mind is twisting and I am looking at you now and I don't want to lose you but my mind is twisting.
It's that fallen heart feeling that you rushed through the moments where you should've been paying attention.
How long do I have left before my mind braids itself to shreds?